Don't spare the change

"How much is your hot chocolate?" She asks.

"$2.89 with tax," he responds.

She counts her money.

"Ahh, I don't have enough! Thanks anyway."

I pull myself into the conversation, "Hold on, how much do you have?"

"No no that's fine." She's hesitating, her body is moving closer to me yet backing away.

"No seriously, c'mon, I offered, it's just a few dollars, cents," I respond.

She observes me. Maybe my face isn't friendly enough. "It's okay, no don't worry, thanks though."

"Alright," I tell her.

She rushes out.

This reminded me of the kids at the store, that's why I offered. They were always short change and the sadness that filled their eyes when they came up to the counter and were missing $0.10 or something was almost heartbreaking. Most owners and employees won't bother taking it out of their own pocket to put a smile on that kid's face, they're too selfish. At his store, my dad always let the kids have their candy, no matter how much they were short. They loved him for it, and they never did it purposely because he trusted them, and they trusted him. After seeing the excitement they get from getting away with the candy, it's worth it, no matter how many times you do it. This small act will make you smile no matter what mood you're in.

I offered, I don't want anything in return. If you're short $0.25, $0.50, $1.00 it's not a big deal. I'm trying to help you, because that's what humans should do, help each other. But I guess adults, unlike kids, panic when another commits a nice gesture, we're not used to it.

Nostalgia

Marsupilami

One Time, édition Yuppie

Watch this video. Usher is really taking this connecting with the youth thing seriously. Or attempting to replicate a video by Aaron Carter, pre heroine addiction, whichever you like more. Scroll below to get an idea of what I was thinking when I watched this.



The video starts off with some horrible product placement of XBox. Terrible because of how the camera is manipulated and how unnecessary this shot is.

The friend, braces and all, has the greatest expressions throughout the entire video. Props brother, you're the next Michael Cera. Or employee of the month at Blockbuster, whichever.

Double product placement. You're 15 and have an iphone. When I was 15, I'd dream of owning the Nokia iron phone, but really, none of us needed a phone. We met up at school and made plans. Personally, I'd save Usher under "Usha" just so I show how tight we really are. And frankly, if I was Usher, I'd be scared if anyone under sixteen had my phone number, except if they were related to me and/or I was a model agent.

The biting of the lip. This girl got a thing for Justin. Or maybe she's excited about recently hitting puberty and dying to show her newly acquired assets to Usher.

Multi cultural hipsters. But, wait, if they are 15, why does the guy on the right have tattoos? I don't think his parents would've signed off on such a large and clearly hipster tattoo you get at like 19-20. Are these guys an allusion to Matthew McConaughey's character in Dazed & Confused?

She's here. Ready to celebrate Usher's birthday, which is what Justin told her was happening to she can bring the girls. "Justin, OMG! You look soooooo good. Where's Usher? And, why did you ask me to bring the entire sophmore class?"

White girl pose. This is my claim to fame. Pass me a bottle of beer, wait for the camera and I'll show you how the girls do it. I was told I do it better than the actual girls themselves. I dig that. The girl on the right is the more "artsy, emo one" hence the rings and bracelets and pouty lip dance moves.

"If you got braces on your teeth put your hands up. Underage ladies, I can't hear y'all, underage ladies, make noise!"

This is clearly a 26 year old who claims to be 15 by wearing a hoodie with stars on it from West 49 and Sony headphones around her neck. Furthermore, Justin is like 3 feet tall.

Wait, maybe the 26 year old was the DJ. Hmm, the music was pumping before she came in though so this is weird. Who was playing that remixed Funkmaster Flex jam then?
Let's discuss Justin's wardrobe: Usher's backing you up and your stylist dressed you up in an American Apparel hoodie? Because all we need is more thoughts about Dov Charney and teenagers.

"Yo, yo, yo what up homie? I'm just trying to mimic Usher and shit. Is this how we do this shake? Ya, ya? For real? "

So Dov Justin, is this how you treat your girl? Like "I'm hitting that tonight!"? According to MySpace you're 15, according to me, you're 13 and have no pubic hair yet. What do you know about love baby boy? I know men that are 25 that still have no idea how to "treat her right." On the other hand, your brod's expression can be converted into a piece from an Ellis novel. "You got a gram, I'll make it worth your while." See The Informers, chapter 10 for further details. She's totally from the Valley.

Usher is wondering if this is his house or he accidentally pulled up at R.Kelly's. Justin doesn't understand because he wasn't born when that incident happened, so he asks Usher if he found some honey to make love with in this house.

This girl is way too old for this jam. She's clearly one of Usher's entourage and ready to pop open a bottle of Alizé.

He'll get your fix if you tell him you love him too.

Uh uh uh, and it don't stop, uh uh uh.

"Let me take a photo, we can post it on Facebook, tag you, and then write "awwww. soo cute, you guys should totally be together" underneath it."

The black guy must always be in full view during dance offs. But seriously, this kid ain't got nothing on T-Pain.

The girl in the back is where it's at. Her hand gestures are telling you so. Bust it.

She remembers she's gotta be back in Encino by 9pm. And plus Justin's waiting for his dealer who ain't even here yet! He's trippin', because he's not hooking up tonight.

"She left. I should've given her the gram. Oh great, the dealer's here, on his bike, after she's gone."

Hot Atlanta y'all is one of the best.

Recollection of your teenage years

"I mean I just don't understand why girls find him good looking, cause he's not." "Find who good looking?" I ask. "Taylor Rautner. You gotta admit Robert Pattinson's good looking though."

_________________________________________________________

"I'm not emo" she says, screaming into the telephone. "Okay, you're nouveau emo," I say. "No I'm not! My friends say I'm scene but I'm not." "What's scene? Some new subculture that hasn't been invented yet? Nevermind. What are you then?" I ask. And with the upmost confidence, she replies, "I'm me!".

_________________________________________________________

She looks at me with her big eyes and with a little sadness in her voice admits, "I like this boy but he moved to another school so it's not going to work out."

13.14.15.16.17. Bliss. Not a care in the world. No care of the heartbreak to come, for the obstacles you'll have to overcome, of a job, a mortgage, of bills, the news, more heartbreak. And most of all, no idea of the loss of that wonderful feeling, the feeling of invincibility.

Benefits of smoking, sort of

In the old country, this is perfectly acceptable:

***I DO NOT ENCOURAGE UNDERAGE SMOKING***

***I DO NOT ENCOURAGE UNDERAGE SMOKING***

My brother in law claims to have quit smoking at seven, when his grandmother caught on that his constant visits were only because he was stealing cigarettes from her pack.

People always say smoking unites people, so maybe if the Palestinians and Israelis got together to smoke cigarettes they can resolve the Middle Eastern conflict. Or at least provide a step towards a one state solution. Even if it's a health hazard, think of the long term benefits!

image source: Macleans.ca and Flickr

60 things I recently learned about my friends

My comments are in bold. I'm attempting to relate, but sometimes, I just can't.

1. I come from a family of 7 kids, where I am the second oldest. - I come from a family of four, where I am the first to be ignored.
2. I have a scar on my lower lip that makes it difficult to wear lipstick sometimes (people usually don’t notice it until I tell them, which is weird because it is noticeable) - The small lips I enherited make it difficult to wear lipstick. But I love red lipstick so I do it any way
3. I’m a laugh stealer. I think every time I have made fun of someone’s laugh, I have somehow adopted it into my eclectic laugh, which can very. Currently I have a combination of my uncle’s and Marge Simpsons. But the good thing is when I am genuinely really laughing, like something is knee-slapping hilarious, you can automatically tell. I think my real laugh is cute, and I only wish that was only laugh. - People think my laugh is cathartic
4. i have the same birthday as Martin Luther King Jr. - Oh yeah, well I have the same birthday as Rihanna (why do I know this?)
   
5. I've sat with Paul Martin, Jean Chretien and the Governor General :) - I saw Jean crossing the street in a cheap suit downtown once...
6. I once drove on the wrong side of the main road, i was LOST - I do this when I find a parking spot on a one way road and don't feel like making a billion turns so I can suffer through a few honks in order to park
   
7. I can't spell well, and my excuse is that I have to remember spellings in TWO languages - I can spell well in my third language (English), but I'm horrible with my first and second
8. I secretly want there to be a 'bed book', just like facebook but not with friends but with people you've slept with!!! haha! No 'bed-friends' in common!- it would be socially revolution - I once wanted to write a book called Memorable hook-ups of people you know
   
9. I am lazily ambitious - I am productively ambitious
10. My mental age is 5 and I'm proud of it. That's why i get along so well with my 5 year old niece! - My energy is equivalent to that of a four year old, that's why I can out play those kids
11. Im "flirtatiously challenged" ie. Im terrible at flirting - I have this problem with men, no problem seducing les femmes, which are not my sexual preference
    
12. I think people falling down is HILARIOUS - Indeed
13. As of today Ive gone without cable for 7 months - Seven months? Try eight years then come talk to me.
    
14. Je réalise que maintenant comment le français est une belle langue, donc tous les francophones n'oublier jamais ça. - C'est vrai
15. I'm blind as a freaking bat but i can smell things like a bloodhound - Yep, I have that gift
16. I could draw a nude photo of you like Jack did to Rose on Titanic ... - I could draw an illustration of you, just like that cartoonist on the streets of Vieux Montréal
    
17. I'm late for EVERYTHING. If I wake up/leave early I'll still be late - If I attempt to be late, I'll still be early
18. I only like cleaning when I have an essay or exam looming. - I love cleaning
19. I started going to university in 1993 and I will be graduating from university in 2009. It has been a very long and convoluted journey but I have no regrets. - I started going to university in 2004, I graduated in 2008, no scenic route for me
    
20. I once tried running up to the Queen of England without a diaper on. And I was wearing a dress. And it was windy that day. (I was also 1 or 2 years old) - hahahahaha
21. I once bumped into Jarvis Cocker of Pulp. It was glorious. I actually touched him. With my body. - I ran into Fab Moretti of the Strokes outside the American Embassy and he told me I had cool hair.
    
22. Someone has my initials inside a heart tattooed on their ass (tee hee!) - I once got thanked on an album. That's all i got.
23. My first album ever was The Fugees The Score - Mine was No Need to Argue by The Cranberries. I was eight.
    
24. I wish canadian politics were as interesting as American politics - Western politics are not nearly as interesting as Eastern politics. Regimes, regimes, regimes.
    
25. I'm allergic to everything at Yves Rocher - Hilarious
26. I don't like talking on the phone - I despise talking on the phone, I always "have to go"
27. One of my favorite outfits when I was 4 or so was some jeans worn with a red windbreaker, open, and no shirt underneath. I think the inspiration may have come from "Knight Rider" or "Magnum P.I.". - Cute
    
28. I have a bad habit of letting things burn or cook unattended. - This happened ONCE and it was because SNP and I were deep into conversation. I made her eat the burnt meal afterwards. What a trooper.
    
29. When I was 3, I broke into our neighbours house, just to see if they were home. As I recall, when my Mom found out, I was grounded for a week. - I broke into a house when I was sixteen, because my friend (who lived there), forgot her key. We had to climb through the kitchen window and I fell into the sink.
30. I attended 4 Proms, 1 when i was in grade 11, 2 my graduating year and one after i graduated. (waste of money!!) - I went to prom with a guy who has attended four proms. It's not the guy who wrote that though.
    
31. I am part machine! - I've been asked if I am half robot.
32. I really hate the smell of doritos - Why would anyone want to eat something that smells like feet?
33. I am born on Bastille Day. I don’t know why I think it is the coolest thing ever. - It is.
    
34. God only knows why my mother would tell me this, but I was conceived in Seville, Spain. - I was conceived when there was a power outage. According to my mother, "there was nothing else to do."
35. Don’t ever ask me to go skating, or skiing, or for a ‘nice walk’ outside in the middle of winter. - Winter should not exist.
36. When I went to Disney World I made my friend wait in line for 2 hours so that I could get a picture with the Little Mermaid….I was 14 years old. - Commitment
37. When I was a little kid I would refer to seafood as mermaid. - ahahahahahahahaha. After hours of repeating what I was saying, I wanted to throw my little sister into the Lobster pool, but my parents wouldn't allow it.
    
38. I only have Linux installed on my two computers' hard discs and I use one of those machines to run a homebrewed server to power my personal website. Makes sense, the 95+% of what I do with computers is Internet-related. - My undergrad research papers were on open source software, I was called "the open source girl".
39. I play music via the command line (MPG123 running at 10-15% CPU and under 700kB memory with a full set of keyboard commands) unless I'm listening to Last.FM or podcasts, in which case I'll launch some RhythmBox. -Wow, that has to be one of the most un-interesting things I have ever read.
40. Though I have no known food or drug allergies, I am allergic to cats, who will unfortunately prevent me from sleeping if I crash in a room where the feline sets foot. Grass will give me rashes if I walk in it bare-footed. - According to KFC, grass is nature's napkin. You're missing out.
41. I read a fair amount of RSS including (but not limited to) /. Ask the Headhunter, Indexed, Prosopopeya Divagante, a few friends' blogs & hamradio. Most of anything else I get in RSS hasn't been too active lately. You'd probably figure, I use the Linux Feed Reader to enjoy some RSS (it uses Gnome + Gecko and is supported by the Epiphany browser as well as FIreFox). - I hope my blog isn't on your RSS, or else you'll see my comment about how un-interesting the "25 things about me" you wrote is.
42. I have my hair cut every six to eighteen months. - Splendid, I cut mine once volume starts kicking in. Approximately every two months.
    
43. i like the sound my heels make when i walk down the street or a hallway. it makes me feel sophisticated. - I usually look around to see if there are any hookers lurking.
44. the use of bad grammar or lazy spelling really turns me off. but i don't like the looks of capital letters. - What a coincidence, me too.
45. i have broken someones heart. only once. - Twice. Or was it three? Maybe four.
    
46. my father is famous. for a lot of things including meatloaf and generally having great ideas. well, he thinks they are great ideas. - My father is famous for having a very eerie resemblance to a pseudo-famous person
47. My great grand father died on the Titanic. - Mine died in the village.
48. I spilled during Question Period an entire glass of water on Pierre Pettigrew, Minister of Foreign Affairs...yep it was caught on tv...good times....Keep rolling
49. When I was 6 I had a crush on Jean Charest. (please don't judge me) - I am totally judging you and how unbelievably Québécois you sound right now.
    
50. I am one of the world's most pathetic creatures... a Leafs fan - Even though I am now a resident of Toronto, I will never be a Leafs fan. Sens baby.
51. My Blackberry Brick Breaker high score is 64,790 - Pfft, bubble breaker is so much cooler.
52. I buried a cabbage patch doll that belonged to a whiny girl from the neighbourhood, way down deep in a playground sandpit. My conscience didn’t eat at me one bit, but my rat of a brother fessed up and got us both pinched. - I once buried a very expensive bottle of perfume behind our backyard because I was angry with my mom.
53. I Own 38 button down collared shirts, 5 suits and 15 pairs of shoes ( including 1 pair Snake Skin and 1 pair of Lavender shoes, and a lavender suit...and I’m straight) - Oh yes, the lavender set. I recall third year video class when he wore that outfit and the mockery that ensued.
    
54. I think philosophy is the study of theories by people with too much time on their hands and not enough ambition to get a real job. Psychology is the study of those people. - Je pense, donc je suis. Deep thoughts of being unemployed=philosophy.
    
55. I think we have a lot to learn from our grandparents. - Like how to use olive oil in everything.
56. I don't like my mother - I like your mother.
57. I hate the feeling of cotton balls and will not touch them if my life depended on it - I hate the feeling of velveteen.
    
58. i often back out on plans with friends. for no reason at all. - Writing that proves to your friends that you lied all those times you backed out.
59. i also always say sorry for things, even if i didn't do anything to them. people get mad at me for it sometimes, or maybe that's just made up in my head. - Me too.
60. i've recently developed a fear of public washrooms. i will walk back and forth, looking at all the toilets, until i find one that is clean enough. then i'll put layers of toilet paper on the seat, and try to go as quickly as i can so i'll be able to get off the seat. - I wish they made miniature bottles of Mr. Clean. The moves I have in a public washroom are comparable to a gymnast. I have no formal training.

Here's something about me that I'm going to tell you but is completely unnecessary: I find it would be a lot of fun to hook up with someone while a Giorgio Moroder song plays in the background, That's right, Giorgio Moroder. Don't you judge me.

Much too cool for 7th grade

Can someone please tell me why this show is off the air? Do you think they'll release a DVD box set?


image source: http://www.ecollegefinder.org/blog/

Your heart feels

When I was younger and thought I was invincible (we're young, nothing can kill us!), I used to do some pretty stupid things (I won't name them, you've all probably done a majority of them). And I was so evasive that I couldn't even sign a phone contract. It's true, some of my most memorable "escaping commitment lines" sounded something like:

"You're so predictable, I mean, I even know what our children will look alike. That's just boring, ya know?"

And, my personal favourite,

"I say lots of things I don't mean. Like I love you for example."
"Then why did you say it?"
"Cause I was raised to be polite. Saying thank you after you said you loved me is just rude."

If you're about to break up with a significant other, I highly suggest against using the latter. It's hurtful and only appropriate when you're a teenager (somewhat). But for someone who has managed to escape most of her past behaviour, and recently started committing (mortgage baby), I sure as hell like charming, evasive men who, I'm aware, will break my heart. I like them because they remind me of me. Which brings me to today's lesson - why you shouldn't be honest about your feelings after finally deciding to be honest about them: Even though they might feel the same way about you, there's always a "but". Why hurt and embarrass yourself to hear what you want and then get a "but"? Forget everything Hollywood taught you because it's bullshit. Or to summarize it, avoid evasive men, they are the definition of why love and trouble are synonymous.

About boys and their mothers

In elementary school, I had a boy best friend. We were practically inseparable, until puberty hit. After that, emotions got in the way and we stopped speaking. Then a new chapter opened up called high school and we became friends again. This kid was a total pot head and always had parties at his house and since we had many mutual friends and I was young and needed to party, I’d go. We liked each others company, and although the best was removed from friends, I was happy we were talking again. His mother, on the other hand, was another story. I remember one night in November, after dinner at Café Republique in Montreal, Dre told me that he told her that his mom told him that she doesn’t want me coming over anymore. Basically, his mom was putting her mind into that of a sixteen year old’s (pretty stupid). I stopped hanging out at his house and we still talked, but not as much. I was at another high school anyway. He's really into pot and shit I grew out of. I kind of felt like he'd never grow up and as far as I know, he's still the same. It's been over three years since I've hung out with him, and a year since I ran into him on the street. He's on my facebook but I rarely keep in touch. It's funny how his mom didn't want him hanging out with me because I was a "bad influence" yet now if she actually knew what I was doing, she'd understand what a mistake she made to distance me from his life. Ever since I lost him as a best friend, I think of the term "best friend" as something only third graders use. And to whoever marries this guy, good luck with your mother in law.

Always check your child's homework

Someone sent this to me and I'm sharing it with you. Pure jokes.

Take a look at the picture first, then you have to read the letter from the mom to the teacher below.


(Here's the reply the teacher received the following day)

Dear Mrs. Jones,

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot. From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Smith