exhaustion.

Sometimes you do things, impulsive things usually, and no matter how important they seem to you, it doesn't matter because it's not enough, it's never enough. Sometimes you let go of things, material things, and think that what you're going to pursue is more important than that but then you wake up months later and you're right back where you were initially, with the same faces and places surrounding you, you're left wondering if letting go of that thing, as material as it was, was right.

I've been awake for over 12 hours and it's 14h. I'm the type of person that thinks of 98 things at once...too many thoughts for her own good. I'm that person that runs on 4-5 hours of sleep and has more energy than a five year old. No matter how much I try to rest, my body still can't manage to stay still and I wonder if I am going to spend the rest of my life feeling this anxious. I'm convinced that when I die, I'll still be thinking and waiting and oh how I hate waiting! It's not because I am naturally impatient, it's the fact that I really have no idea what I am waiting for.

There is a Chinese proverb that says the three hardest things in life are loving someone who doesn't love you back, waiting for someone who never comes and not being able to sleep when you are so tired. I might be facing a mix of all three, or maybe just one, I may never know, but instead, I'll continue to wait, and not out of choice.