Grad School characters

[Via: Open Culture]

The yuppie's guide to protests

Having been part of the activist community for many years, I've learned a thing or two about organising protests - on both sides. Here's a handy list that you can use to get started on your next rally.

PS: This mostly applies to a Palestinian protest with an Israeli opposition on the other side. PPS: This blog post is not attempting to undermine my peoples, I do after all attend them and believe in the cause, I just also think we can change a few things about them to make them more efficient and make a statement.

Palestinian side

1. A loud woman on a mega phone yelling out the slogans and constantly reminding you of her refugee status: I want to mention that this may just be a Toronto thing because in other protests I've attended across Canada, this wasn't necessarily the case. She yells slogans like "Stop the Killing stop the crime, Israel out of Palestine" and "No Justice no Peace" but she stops, takes a deep breath and likes to tell you a story about where she's from and how she was exiled and all that. Sometimes it feels like the entire Palestinian story happened to this girl (Nakba, Naksa, Black September, Lebanon, Sabra and Shatila, Gaza) so you start wondering.
2. Someone performing spoken word poetry: If there's one thing I hate, it's spoken word poetry. There are over 800 reasons why I dislike it, which I won't get into, and for some reason there is always someone who wants to perform spoken word poetry at rallies. Unfortunately this is like the worst kind too.
3. Gaza: If there's one thing that's really bothering me about the conflict right now it's the separation of Gaza from Palestine. I can't help but get angry when I hear "Free Palestine, Free Gaza" as if the two aren't the same place/people. This is wrong and must be corrected and when you tell people they just look at you, shrug their shoulders and continue chanting it. Another thing that's always noticeable at rallies is that they bring someone from Gaza to speak. Usually this person has never been to Gaza, or visited once in 1995 and has some family there that discuss the situation with them but that's about it. Although they are really connected to Gaza it doesn't make them a credible source. In my opinion, if we changed their role from someone speaking about the situation to just someone giving an inspirational speech that would be better.
4. A previous revolutionary from either the PLO or PFLP to speak: Ahh the glory days! This is a staple event - the man never refers to his past, you just know who he is if you've read some books. He serves as the "motivational speaker" getting the crowd going and excited. Usually the man is a total 3ammo (uncle) wearing a leather jacket, a plaid shirt with a pen in the pocket, probably has a mustache, wears khakis and chain smokes. You relate to him because your dad most likely resembles him. Not mine though.
5. The Keffiyeh: The dude who only goes to Arab parties to meet girls decides to attend his first protest. His contribution? A keffiyeh. Also, everyone who owns a keffiyeh wears it on a day when a rally is taking place, it's the code.
6. Someone selling Marxist magazines: Rain or shine, these homies are there selling.
7. An elderly passing out flyers: Just like the Marxist magazine sales people the old folks are running around the crowd (rain or shine) passing out "flyers". Usually they aren't flyer size but either 8.5x11 or 11x17, typed with comic sans or times new roman and include way too much information. Let's get creative with visual communication materials, as I discussed here.
8. The backwards flag: No matter where you go, this is a staple item. The flag is backwards. Why? Don't ask me, it just happens...every. time.

Israeli side

Yep, those are rockets in the Palestinian flag colour

1. The core seven crazy members of the JDL: You can't have a protest without "The JDL Seven" as I call them. These homies will say whatever is on their mind. Like internet trolls, they scour the city for information on where a Palestinian related event might be and make sure to cause some trouble. I'm surprised no one has arrested them yet. Actually, that doesn't surprise me at all.
2. Offensive signs that if the other side had a sign with similar language we'd all be in jail (exhibits below)
3. Signs with slogans that are irrelevant: Usually talking about Islam and Sharia Law, they have nothing to do with the conflict, save us the 9-11 discourse.
4. Nationalist songs: They need to take slogan advice from their Egyptian neighbours
5. That crazy woman who walks around the city calling people "anti-Semites" and "self-hating" (usually found in Yorkville): She rips posters off poles and harasses anyone near them.

That reads "Sharia is the end of Freedom"

Maybe a little research on this topic will do you some good. Here's my reco: A History of Modern Palestine: One Land, Two peoples by Ilan Pappe

That reads "Stick the Nakba up your Wazoo"

The concept of being busy

We all have friends who are constantly bragging about how busy they are and why they have been missing in action lately, but frankly, I don't consider being "too busy" an excuse to not maintaining a relationship with people, even if it's a brief two minute phone call or message every month or so. I personally consider myself a busy person because I partake in a lot of activities. Alongside my full time job, I also do freelance work, run several personal projects, and volunteer, but I make sure to always have time to hang out with friends, socialize and send personal emails/messages checking up on them, even if they are far away.

People always complain about not being able to "find the time", but the truth is, it's not about "finding time" it's about "making time". Making time helps you manage, organise and prioritise. If you're constantly overwhelmed, maybe you shouldn't be taking up so many activities. The fact that we are constantly connected (internet is widely available, smartphones, tablets, laptops, etc), gives people no excuse to not respond to their messages and not keep in touch or send off a brief "hello, how are you?" If you find the time to check your Facebook account, write on someone's wall, post a few links, photos and comments, it's likely you check your emails and your cell phone messages. And if you have the time to do everything it is people do on Facebook, you surely have the time to respond to a friend who has been attempting to reach out to you for awhile with a simple message.

What shocks me is that most people who claim to be unbelievably busy are ones who are in school (don't get me started on people in relationships who choose to seclude themselves in a box, destroy all their friendships and then when their heart is broken, attempt to find a friend to lean on and can't find one). I went to university, and while in school, I worked, volunteered, and participated in countless students activities. I understand that some majors require more work than others

and that constant studying is a priority, but if all you're doing is school, then there really is no excuse. I understand your priorities, but one should never forget to maintain relationships with others.

There's no such thing as being too busy. The fact of the matter is, people like to pretend they are busier than they actually are. They check their phones constantly, attempting to show others how busy they are but in reality, they are just playing a silly game on their iPhone.

The lack of rules and the unimportance of rules

Bam. The car door hits the side of the car. I get out and take a look. Small scratch for a big hit. I shake my head and get back in the car. She puts the window down, "excuse me, you want something for the car?" As a North American, I should be angry right now, looking furiously for my licence and registration, calling up my friend, updating my facebook and twitter status "OMG some moron just nailed my car door" but I don't. I look back and say, "no, don't worry about it." Words you'll never hear if this happened in Canada. Car accidents are common here [Jordan - Arab world], and they aren't a big deal. Your insurance does not go up when you get into an accident, it's a fixed rate. Speeding tickets are 10-20 dinars, that's about $15-$30 dollars or so, pennies in comparison to the $300 fines we are accustomed to, and the demerit points removed and your record.

Destination: Jordan

I've arrived to my first destination (Jordan) after a long and tiring airplane ride, a string of misinformation, slow slow employees, and a battle with an employee of Royal Jordanian (RJ) airlines, which is, according to my cousin, a common occurrence due to the rude nature of Jordanians (despite their attempts at telling you they are known for their hospitality - check out their in flight magazine, but this is merely a reference to the residents that are not of Jordanian decent, which make up most of Jordan's population, who are known for their hospitality, Jordanians are known to be grouchy), I made it. RJ has more lies in their in flight magazine like winning an award for always being on time. The lady beside me mentioned that this airline was once two hours late, and every time she's flown, it has been either 30 minutes or an hour behind departure. This time was no exception.

I travel a lot, this year alone I've accumulated more miles than most people do in their lifetime, and every time I travel I accumulate even more airlines I don't want to fly with. To be frank, the airline and tourism industry should not be asking questions regarding their losses: it's obvious. Even traveling with a small child, which adds to the difficulty, you get harassed even more. Here is some information I was given that turned out entirely false:

• The night before traveling I called United asking about the price to check in an extra bag. After 30 minutes on the phone with an employee who asked me if Jordan was in Europe, he told me $100USD. I should've known when he asked if it was in Europe, we arrive at the airport to be told it's $200USD. Even Air Canada doesn't charge that much.
• The United employee who gave me my boarding passes and checked in my luggage in Canada told me that once I arrive to Chicago, I do not have to go through security.
• Once on the plane to Chicago, I asked the flight attendant how I get to Terminal 5 and she mentioned "go through security". Yeah, I had to go through security, the most unnecessary and thorough security despite the fact that I went through US customs in Canada.
• RJ counter to get the boarding passes: no mention of the carry on luggage I have, i.e. does not mention RJ's policy of 1 carry on only.
• Upon entering the RJ flight, yell fest with rude employee who tells me I must leave behind all carry on luggage except back pack. The other bag contains my sister's change of clothes, toys, and food. When I refused and only let go of one, I was already being stared at by the entire plane. But I got to have three instead of two.

Did I mention I only opt for Kosher meals in flight? The selection is usually better, and I like my food blessed, because the whole traveling process isn't.

Article deconstruction: the Law of Return and Israel's aggressive tourism push

Recently, Israel's image has been tarnished and various ministries in Israel have been working long hours attempting to revive the appeal of Israel through culture. This is all being done without changing Israel's infamous policies of course. This article in Ha'aretz talks about North American jews taking advantage of the racist Law of Return and immigrating to Israel. I'm in the apartheid week spirit, and I'm getting tired of Israel's new efforts to promote tourism and immigration. I've only kept parts of it that are essential to this deconstruction, the whole article can be read here. My comments are in italic and red.

Not just Zionism: Lousy economy pushes more U.S. Jews to move to Israel

By Beth Schwartzapfel, The Forward

When Nisan and Gilan Gertz stepped off the plane at Ben-Gurion International Airport with their children last August, they were seven of almost 4,000 North Americans to make aliyah in 2009 - the largest number to do so in a single year since 1983.

- The Gertz family will land in Israel but never see it in its entirety (i.e. skipping the West Bank and Gaza Strip, or turning a blind eye if occupation ever shows up to greet them).

There were a lot of reasons that the Gertzes chose to move their new home in Beit Shemesh, some 25 miles west of Jerusalem, from their home in Passaic, N.J. There was "inspiration and spirituality," as Nisan describes it. "For the first time in 2,000 years, we can live in a sovereign nation that's Jewish."

- Occupation and injustice inspired you? Yes Mr and Mrs Gertz, a sovereign Jewish nation, where anyone who isn't Jewish is treated like a second class citizen. Yes, a sovereign Jewish state, built on hate and racism. Yes, the quality of supreme and independent authority over occupied territories, stolen land and a constant disregard for international law.

Four of the Gertzes' five children - the oldest is 15, the youngest is 3 - were enrolled at Jewish day schools, which together cost the family upward of $50,000 per year in tuition. "All of our money was being dumped into the increasing cost of education and the increasing cost of health care," said Nisan, who is an architect specializing in the development of hospitals while his wife is a clinical social worker. "I describe it as being on a treadmill." The summer home they'd always wanted, the yearly vacations to nice places, all seemed less and less attainable as tuition bills mounted. "We were running and running and running, and never going anywhere."

- I'm so sorry to hear that your American dream didn't work out. Maybe you should protest all those taxes you're paying that are funding the killing of Palestinians and you'll be able to hit up the Bahamas once a year. But I understand why you're moving, I mean since the money is already going there, might as well follow it, right? And of course Israel's going to welcome you with open arms...ever wonder why they are so kind? You guys really are perfect for Israel, let me explain: as an architect you can design the settlements that will enclose the Palestinians, you can also add a little spunk to that eyesore called the security fence apartheid wall, and as a social worker, you can help Israelis cope from the trauma they encounter and help Jewish girls avoid dating Arab boys because it's wrong.

Then there are the actual cash incentives Israel offers to ease the way for those immigrating under the country's Law of Return, which offers automatic citizenship to anyone with at least one Jewish grandparent.

- Oh how I love the ever so racist "Law of Return", a law that allows Jews, who have no connection to Israel or that region, to return to a homeland that "belongs to them" whereas Palestinians who are classified as "absentees" "present absentees" and "refugees" and who actually physically lived there but were forced out, are not allowed to return to their homeland, or even visit.

The Ministry of Immigrant Absorption provides about $4,000 per adult and about $2,000 per child to these immigrants, paid out over seven months. Immigrants are also entitled to free education up to the master's degree level and are customarily granted a 70 percent to 90 percent reduction on their property taxes. Plus, they receive discounts and tax waivers on Israeli-made appliances.

- So you don't have to worry, your kids will get respectable professions, the bad ones are saved for those hungry Palestinians, but, right after your children complete that military service and kill lots of innocent people. Discounts on Israel made products? BDS times are hard it seems.

If that is not enough, additional financial help is available from Nefesh B'Nefesh, a relatively new nongovernmental organization that facilitates immigration for American Jews. About 70 percent of the immigrants apply for this. Cash handouts alone are not likely to cause American families to pick up and move to Israel, of course. But the number of North Americans immigrating to Israel has been, on the whole, rising in recent years. And the last time there was an uptick as high as this year's - 17 percent - was in 2003, one year after Nefesh was established in Israel with private funding and a mission "to revitalize Aliyah and to substantially increase the number of future olim," or Jewish immigrants.

- Hurry olims, those Palestinians are giving birth at a quick rate, and we can't hold them off much longer! I mean we've tried with massacre after massacre, but it doesn't seem to be working! They are like rabbits! Get on those flights, hurry, here's money!!

Yours truly,

The Israeli Government

Since that time, Nefesh has been aggressively promoting aliyah throughout the United States and Canada, trying "to increase the perception that aliyah is normative behavior - something that regular people do," Oberman said.

- Yes by putting together campaigns like this one, that promote Israel's culture without changing Israel's policies. I think too many cash incentives have been given away because it seems that Israel forgot to invest in a credible advertising agency to produce a decent spot for this.

"Life in America for Jews is safe and good," said Mark Robbins, 42, a Conservative rabbi who made aliyah in August with his wife and two young children. Unlike the majority of olim, who come to Israel fleeing oppression and political instability elsewhere in the world, for Americans, Robbins said, "in order to make the move, you've really go to be pulled. [But] there needs to be some kind of push, too."

- Yep, Israel is great when it comes out to help the oppressed and a place for asylum. Their human rights record is squeaky clean.

"The push for me came, truthfully, from the incredible cost of raising Jewish kids in the States," Robbins said.

- Really, raising Jewish kids in the US is expensive? All the taxes you're paying is going back into Israel to turn your children into Zionists. Birth Right is free, half the Jewish organizations will take you on "free trips to Israel" and fly you to Israel yearly for free, I don't see what's so costly...Maybe it's because the internet is making it harder and harder for Jewish children to grow up believing that Israel is actually a great place dripping with morals, and they might be mixing with Arabs, or maybe it's because Israel's image has been tarnished and they are desperately trying to change it.

The economy is "not the reason, but it's a reason American Jews are making aliyah," said Michael Jankelowitz, the foreign press spokesman for the Jewish Agency. "They have Israel in their hearts. That's coupled with an economic crisis." The economy was an issue even for those without children - and the rates of aliyah among this group seem to be rising. According to Nefesh, almost half of olim in 2008 and 2009 were between the ages of 18 and 35.

- Well Israel is a "democracy" and it offers all the fantastic things from the Western world so why wouldn't 18 to 35 year olds move there? Also, if there's so much money being thrown my way, and I'm around that age, including free education, of course I'm going to move.

Freelance music producer and marketer Yoni Leviatan of Miami was among them. "I was always a Zionist," said Leviatan, 31. "I always used to say, I'll be buried in Israel. But I always thought it would be later in life... If I was making a lot of money and I was secure, I don't know if it would have entered my mind to leave."

- Hey Yoni, have you heard of Thomas Hobbes? He describes your last name as "monster" and as a Zionist who seems okay with what saintly Israel is doing, that describes you perfectly home boy. You want to be buried in Israel? Alongside the mass graves of many innocent people and Israel's never ending list of secrets?

Now that he's there, Leviatan has been impressed by the country's cutting-edge technology sector, both for the jobs it creates - he got a job as a Web marketer at the music technology company Waves - and for the quality of life it facilitates. From little things, like the ability to feed a parking meter remotely by using a cell phone, to big things like advancements in medicine, Israel is "not the Third World country that we used to think it was," he said. "Technology has made the Israeli system very efficient, with all medical records kept electronically and standardized for everyone."

- Don't forget how great Israel's engineers are: the amazing Jewish only roads, that magnificent fence wall, settlements, bulldozers, F-16 fighter planes, the rapidity of bulldozing homes, how easily villages are evacuated, and how well secrets are kept. No you're right, Israel is nowhere near a Third World country. It's the only democracy in the Middle East as they say! But it's probably because you've never seen Israel's wilder sister: the one that Israel and the evil Western powers help build ghettos in and implement leaders of their choosing to make the Arabs look more barbaric to the West. She's really close by the way, since Israel is the size of New Jersey.

Indeed, one of the recurring themes during the Forward's conversations with more than half a dozen olim was how much easier than expected the process was - and how easy it is to access the comforts of home in their adopted country. One of Nefesh's goals, according to Oberman, is to smooth the daunting transition and "implement numerous shortcuts in the bureaucratic process."

- It's so easy to access the little things from North America in Israel because Israel is trying to be Western and is flooded with North American Zionists, not actual people born in the region. In fact, it seems that half the people in Israel have no connection to the land according to that number above. If Israel really is your "home" like you say, you wouldn't try and change it now would you? You'd embrace its ways. You're moving to a new place, not an extension of America. If you wanted an extension of America, the closest you'll get is Canada. If it's the Israel you returned to, you wouldn't try and make it North America would you? You left North America to go to North America? Is that what you're trying to tell me? Israel is like North America because it's a democracy? If you want the "little things" from North America in Israel then shouldn't you be complaining about the lack of justice and freedom? If Israel is a democracy, then they wouldn't have a thing called "Law of Return" and treat even their own (Falasha) as second class citizens. So in reality, Israel's disregard and racist policies are no different than the ones they condemn right? Do you think the Jews that lived in Palestine 2,000 years ago put up a wall so they don't have to see non-Jews?

"My parents' generation, they moved here and had to move to an absorption center. It took them three months to get a telephone," said David Adest, 32, a Staten Island stock trader who made aliyah with his wife and three young children. "I got here and had my iPhone on within a few hours."

- That's great David. The Palestinians next door still can't make a proper phone calls, there's a wall that intercepts the connection, and you keep infiltrating their service with your i-douche. Or blowing up their homes so there are no more phones.

That is not the only difference between Adest and immigrants from his parents' generation. The largest number of Americans ever to move to Israel in a single year was 8,122, in 1971 - part of the extended afterglow of Israel's victory in the 1967 Six Day War. "There was a euphoria in the [Jewish] world after the Six Day War," Jankelowitz said, "that Israel, instead of being annihilated, survived." Moving to Israel back then was a political statement as much as a personal choice.

- Yep, that's Israel, like Beyoncé, a survivor, she's not gon' give up. She occupied and built settlements so you can swim and enjoy life while others suffer, just like in America. So you can live like its America, but its warmer and more historical here. What more can one ask for?

Now, he said, "These people are coming because they're looking for a Jewish way of life. I don't think there is a political statement being made."

- Hmm, occupation? Murder? Humiliation? Denial? I don't think that describes a Jewish way of life, that's a Zionist way of life.

Asked about Nefesh's role in helping immigrants move to the Israeli-occupied West Bank - a move with inevitable political implications, Renana Levine, Nefesh's public relations and communications manager, said, "Olim make their own choices about where to live in Israel, and in fact less than 3 percent move to areas over the Green Line," which marks the boundary between Israel and the territories it acquired in the Six Day War.

- The other 97% aren't ballsy enough to move to the settlements then? It's okay, they are living on stolen land and ethnically cleansed villages, it's basically the same thing as passing the green line (since Israel hasn't really established its borders, what is the green line?), it just doesn't have the word "occupied" beside it so it seems alright.

Nisan recently took a trip to Tel Aviv's Palmach Museum, which celebrates the underground military organization that helped settle Israel. "There's a certain aspect to the romance of settling the land that has to do with living in a hut and working in the dirt with your bare hands," he said. "I have a respect for them, but I'm a spoiled American! I'm not upset that I don?t have to do that."

- There's a certain aspect to the romance of settling the land that has to do with living in a hut and working in the dirt with your bare hands." Habibi, there's no romance in the way Israel was created. Unless romance means massacres, blood shed, occupation, denial of human rights...then you have a woman's heart beating fast with fear. And those hands you speak of? Oh yes... pioneers. See, Zionists are too afraid to use their hands to do the killing so they use American made weaponry for it.

Wait! He continues,

"I have a respect for them, but I'm a spoiled American! I'm not upset that I don't have to do that." It's great to know you respect baby and women killers. Spoiled American, you gave them the money to do it and built the weapons yourself, geez you're so silly! I mean I wouldn't be upset if I had to skip the murder part too, but don't worry, your opportunity is coming: there's a mandatory IDF service, but with all the money Israel's throwing at you, your greedy self will gladly help your "country" "defend" itself, n'est ce pas?

Guide to being [really] Arab: Ginos

In my quest to find things that make me ashamed of my heritage, I stumble upon Massari. Baby boy is from my hometown and Mr. Money is the representation of [almost] every Lebanese boy in Ottawa. I thought Massari ended about the same time my heart left green eyed Lebanon but I guess I was wrong. Far from the days of driving up to the Heron community centre in his Oldsmobile, Massari seems to be doing okay for himself. I did, after all, meet his supposed stylist at a so called fashion show I had the unfortunate "luxury" of covering back in September.

In Sari's latest video, he takes Axel F's beat and gino's it up - so the gino's can dance to it at da club. Despite the tune being catchy, you still can't help but look at this video and be like "God, Sari, you're totally one of those Arab guys that dates white girls for years, promises them things (roosh il massari 3aleki rash*) and then when your mama finds you a nice girl from the jnoob, you ditch white girl. Ya shabab**, what are we going to do with you? The girls in your videos are the easy ones you claim to care about but don't, you just use them for B-O-O-T-A-Y because the Arab girl makes you promise things before she gives you anything, then proceeds to remind you not to tell anyone what happened if anything did actually happen. You know what, maybe a girl from the jnoob will be good for you, you might learn a few Arabic words from her, then you'll have minor cred in the community.Yalla habibi. In other news, not sure if you saw the video for "Hot Girl" by one of Massari's old singing partners Belly.

Belly is also from my hometown. Our mothers are quite good friends. My mom does his mom's taxes. Belly, unlike Massari, is not totally ginoed up. He's another type of Arab boy you should probably stay away from: the ones who grow their hair into a gigantic afro, smoke pot in the house all day thinking up rhymes and might be doing a Business Administration diploma at the local community college.

Someone disabled embedding because they are lame:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJ0sgK0uoAg

But, I must admit, this guy is 100 times worse than Massari.

*=buy you the finest things

**=guys

Don't spare the change

"How much is your hot chocolate?" She asks.

"$2.89 with tax," he responds.

She counts her money.

"Ahh, I don't have enough! Thanks anyway."

I pull myself into the conversation, "Hold on, how much do you have?"

"No no that's fine." She's hesitating, her body is moving closer to me yet backing away.

"No seriously, c'mon, I offered, it's just a few dollars, cents," I respond.

She observes me. Maybe my face isn't friendly enough. "It's okay, no don't worry, thanks though."

"Alright," I tell her.

She rushes out.

This reminded me of the kids at the store, that's why I offered. They were always short change and the sadness that filled their eyes when they came up to the counter and were missing $0.10 or something was almost heartbreaking. Most owners and employees won't bother taking it out of their own pocket to put a smile on that kid's face, they're too selfish. At his store, my dad always let the kids have their candy, no matter how much they were short. They loved him for it, and they never did it purposely because he trusted them, and they trusted him. After seeing the excitement they get from getting away with the candy, it's worth it, no matter how many times you do it. This small act will make you smile no matter what mood you're in.

I offered, I don't want anything in return. If you're short $0.25, $0.50, $1.00 it's not a big deal. I'm trying to help you, because that's what humans should do, help each other. But I guess adults, unlike kids, panic when another commits a nice gesture, we're not used to it.

the cigarette bum

"Excuse me, do you..."

She cuts him off, "I don't have a cigarette, sorry."

"How did you know I was going to ask you for one?" He asks.

"Why else would you talk to me? Why do people talk to each other in this country unless they want something?" She responds.

"I don't know, I could've wanted to ask you for the time or something. It's crazy how you knew!"

She pulls up her sleeves and says, "I'm not wearing a watch. And you look like you've got plenty of time."

"But I'm talking to you right now aren't I?"

"Yes, but only because you initially wanted something from me, and now you want to know the reasoning behind my theory," she says.

"It's kind of sad that's the only reason people talk to each other," he says.

"It is. But it's the nature of life here, individualism, what I want."

In the distance, his friend yells out, "Pedro, let's go!"

"Yeah hang on a second!" He yells back.

He looks back at her and says, "I'm sorry, you know."

"Don't be. It's okay. Everyone's used to it by now. Have a goodnight."

Guide to being [really] Arab: Cross Cut like an immigrant

This morning, the Toronto Star's cover story is about Jaywalking. I was surprised that I, notorious for this act, was not pictured. Upon reading the article, I realize how stupid it is to get fined for jaywalking. $85? Is that how much you're trying to squeeze out of my paycheque alongside all the other ridiculous things I pay for? Check out the lines in this story, the opener is GOLD: "They are ruthless. They are fearless. They are breaking the law. With a phone in one hand, lunch in the other, they are also impressively persistent. Nothing, it seems, can thwart a Toronto jaywalker in progress: not the fear of being ticketed, not a horde of speeding cars nor even the daunting size of a truck passing within inches." Listen, those that are jaywalking while staring at their phone are not jaywalking...they are not paying attention. True jaywalkers cross in the most absurd conditions because they are pros. True jaywalkers know not to look at their phones. Those that stare at their phone have what we call A.D.D.

The writer continues, "(...) some of them even forcing a police car to stop to let them cross. The officer could have given the dozen pedestrians tickets or at least warnings." Um, hey, did you know that there's other crimes going on that are more important than someone crossing the street illegally and maybe that's why the cop was like "whatevs"?

It is my choice to put my life in "danger", if danger means the two way streets of Canada sans median. The streets aren't dangerous. In Jordan, you cross a highway. In Egypt, you have .001 seconds to bolt or get hit. I can't even begin to describe India. In Eastern Canada, drivers stop even when you're not intending to cross. In Toronto, people stop. In Montreal, they might. Now, just because I've lived in North America for 21 of my 23 years of life, does not mean I will not continue to cross the street like a Middle-Eastern person. People, remember, I am a Middle-Eastern person! If my sense of humour, cleanliness, generosity, and complaints didn't give it away, then my love of jay walking sure will. Also, remember, we "cut" the street, we don't "cross" it (see your parents for references).

I've crossed the roundabout in front of the Arc de Triomphe, not to say I did, but because I needed to get across from the Champs Elysées to the Arc and I wasn't about to go around...in heels, okay? I can't stop my crossing ways. If the traffic light is two steps from me, I will still jay walk. I've almost gotten run over by various vehicles and streetcars (the 501 put your hands up) whether by biking or walking. I also do random crossings during storms. So you see friends, it's in my nature to cross in the most inappropriate manner. I survived the Middle-East where crossing the street is the equivalent of crossing a highway here, so I'm pretty sure my jay [walk] can handle North America. And if I do get run over then I'm pretty much blaming one of you for cursing me, cause that's the Middle-Eastern thing to do.

Love love,

the yuppie activist

P.S. Here's a video of the "walk" sign in Egypt. Note: he's running.

image source: http://www.redkid.net/generator/walk/yoursign.jpg

One. Un. Wahad.

When you first move to the big city, everything sounds like a St.Vincent song. The halfway mark is when you face the biggest difficulties. You're tired of the party friends, the drugs you don't take, the alcohol you don't drink, and the faces that won't call you, they'll just be your best friend when you're out, give you a light if you need it, and be an acquaintance when it's daytime. They won't remember your eye colour, or your favourite brand of anything. By this point, you're pretty familiar with the city you call home, the lights that shine whenever you walk down a certain street, but you're not familiar with who your friends are, can't explain the sudden drama or lack there of in your life and left wondering if this is really what you want. But you never really know what you want anyway. You're a twenty something, the future is to be dealt with later, or never, depends if you like looking at life as an empty abyss or planning it. Depending on your situation and how much support you have around you, this is quite possibly the most crucial time. The St.Vincent song no longer resonates in your head alongside your footsteps when you're walking. You start to figure out that you're pretty much going to be un-easy for the next little while unless something fantastic comes along. If it does then great, if it doesn't then shit, right? By the completion of your first year, as the hair on your arms rises when the crisp winter air comes into effect, the whole thing feels like an Iron & Wine song, on loop and you can't do anything about that.

January 19th will mark the one year anniversary of this blog. Unlike when I marked the six month anniversary back in July, I won't be counting down my favourite posts. 2009 has been by far the most difficult and interesting year of my life, after all, much has happened in such a short span of time. Some changes were documented to my dear readers, some however, stay hidden inside my basement, locked and revealed only at my most vulnerable hour. What have I learned from this year filled with life lessons? Plenty. I grew up too quickly. My mama never said don't grow up too fast, on the contrary, she wanted me to grow up fast, but my friends told me to wait. I took part in many things I never imagined myself partaking in, adapted to living life independently, witnessed the ugliness of human beings I cared about, developed a paranoia of having false things being spread about me, proved loyalty, switched jobs, distanced myself away from many people, stopped planning and caring about many things, analyzed every human being I met, and my impatience and longing to leave this country has surpassed what I have ever imagined. Why? That's a discussion that will take place another time, because I will continue to write on this blog, so don't worry about it.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for reading The Yuppie Activist, whether you're a new or old reader, whether you love it or hate it, whether you understand the posts or not, either way, you're visiting the site.

Dear Mindelle Jacobs,

you write for a newspaper that isn't even legitimate, for that, I forgive you. However, if you're about to call yourself a journalist, you need to learn some journalistic integrity when garbage like this article of yours gets published. With that being said, I'm going to provide you with a free history lesson on Palestine, which by the way, exists and has much more history than those 30 years you're claiming girl (do you kiss your mother with that mouth that spreads such false allegations?). Research your facts. Just because you write for the Sun and probably The National Post doesn't mean everything flies.

• 1000 BC: Israelite conquest of Canaan
• 965-928BC: King Solomon constructs first temple in Jerusalem
• 606 BC - 537 BC: Kingdom of Judah defeated by the Babylonians. Destruction of the first temple and deportation of some of the inhabitants. Cyrus the Great conquers Babylon and creates the Persian Empire, allowing Israelites to return and rebuild the temple.
• 333 BC: Alexander the Great conquers Persia. Palestine comes under Macedonian rule.
• 63 BC: Incorporation of Palestine into the Roman Empire
• 70 AD: Jewish revolt against the Roman Empire is put down and the second temple is destroyed, leading to the exile of Jews out of Palestine in 135AD. The Romans name the province "Syria Palaestina". At the time of the exile, 3/4 of the world's Jewish population was living outside of Palestine.
• 628-638 AD: Byzantine Christians rule Jerusalem
• 638-1072 AD: Caliph Omar Ibn Khattab conquers Jerusalem and establishes Muslim rule. Jews are allowed to return.
• 15th century to 19th century: Palestine under Ottoman rule. The term "Land of Palestine" was used to refer to Palestine.
• 1896: Zionist leader Theodor Herzl publishes "Der Judenstaat", advocating the creation of a Jewish state in either Argentina or Palestine.
• 1897: First Zionist congress issues the Basle Program "calling for a home for the Jewish people in Palestine" and establishes the World Zionist Organization to that end.
• 1900: Keren Keyemeth (Jewish National Fund) founded as land-acquisition organ of WZO with the function of acquiring land in Palestine to be inalienably Jewish with exclusively Jewish labour employed on it.
• May 16, 1916: Sykes-Picot agreement signed, dividing Arab provinces and countries of Ottoman Empire under French and British rule.
• 1917: British Foreign Secretary Balfour sends a letter (the Balfour Declaration) to Baron Rothschild pledging British support for the establishment of a Jewish home in Palestine, specifying that nothing should be done that "may prejudice the civil and religious rights of existing non-Jewish communities in Palestine." Allenby's troops occupy most of Palestine and enter Jerusalem and Damascus.
• 1918-1920: British military rule in Palestine.
• 1936-1939: The Arab revolt against the British occupation
• 1882-1939: Several mass Jewish migrations bring the total of the Jewish population from less than 3% to 30%, with Jewish land ownership rising to 5.7%.
• Nov 29, 1947: UN Partition Resolution 181: The UN general assembly votes on an amended partition plan calling for 60% of Palestine to be attributed to a Jewish state, when Jews totaled only 31% of the population, and 40% for the creation of a Palestinian state, whose population made up 69% of the total population. It was recommended that Jaffa be part of the proposed Palestinian state and that Jerusalem and Bethlehem would be under international control administered by the Trusteeship Council on behalf of the UN.
• 1947-1949: Zionist organizations Irgun and Haganah execute widespread internal and external ethnic cleansing of Palestinian villages, displacing over 700,000 Palestinians.
• May 15, 1948: The British Mandate ends. 4pm in Tel Aviv, an Israeli state is declared.
• June, 1967: Six Day War, The Israeli military occupies the West Bank and Gaza Strip in Palestine, Sinai in Egypt, and Golan Heights in Syria. 200,000 new Palestinian refugees; Resolution 242 adopted by the UN Security Council
• oh Mindelle, there's so much more

So you see, dearest Mindelle, there is an entity called Palestine and Palestinians did not suddenly become a people several decades ago, they've been around a long time, and yes Palestine was a country. You may only have heard of them a few decades ago when they started taking up more air time on the news, but they've always been there. Parts of that land they call Palestine is now called Israel (see timeline for details on this) and other parts of it are also occupied by Israel (you know Gaza, West Bank, see timeline again). You ever sat and wondered why the Muslim world has been hostile to Israel's existence? Maybe because of how it came to exist, not because of anti-semitism. Read up on history, you'll see that in many places, Jews, Muslims and Christians co-existed, including within Palestine. Everything is sourced below, MLA style. The timeline I gave you is also shortened, you may want to click here and here for more.

Love love,

The Yuppie Activist

Sources:

- Kayyali, A. W. Palestine a Modern History. 11th ed (Arabic version). The Arab Foundation for Studies and Publication: Beirut, 1999. Print.

- Pappe, Ilan. A History of Modern Palestine. 2nd ed. Cambridge University Press: United States of America, 2006. Print.

- "Palestine Chronology." passia.org. Palestinian Academic Society for the Study of International Affairs, n.d. Web. 15 Jan. 2010.

- "Jerusalem Chronology." passia.org. Palestinian Academic Society for the Study of International Affairs, n.d. Web. 15 Jan. 2010.

- Marcy Newman. "Palestine-map-2004.jpg". Body on the Line. Apr. 2009. Web. 15 Jan. 2010.

Palestinian territories on Google Analytics

According to Google Analytics, I received a visit from the Palestinian Territories. Once I click on it, the map is blank. All other cities work, why not this one? Hey Google, is this still in BETA or what?

Omm il donia

For 10 days, I managed to forget everything from my daily life. I didn't even remember what it was like to work, or have the cold Canadian air brush up on my skin. It was my first complete disconnect. While most of those around me felt the need to constantly update people at home, I felt the recollection of my day when asked was a burden, mostly because I couldn't actually express what I felt. It was also the first time I did not look forward to a trip, due to the fact that I knew there was a high possibility of disappointment in the form of not reaching my initial destination (Gaza). With that being said, my journey back was as long as my journey here, so I had time to reflect and write for everyone: letters from Cairo.

Arrival - Christmas Day

Dear whoever cares to read this,

I've slept an hour on three plastic chairs located in Terminal 5 of Heathrow Airport. My back must be broken. I arrive to Cairo after spending the flight talking to a fellow marcher who used to be a big executive at Motorola. She's awesome. The weather is nice and our cab driver is attempting to give us a tour at 1am. We're not having it.

Day 1 (officially)

Dear whoever cares to read this,

We wake up early, eat foul because we're in Egypt and take a self made walking tour around Cairo. "Show me the meaning of being lonely" seems to be the hip ringtone here since I heard in on two people's phones. We find old photos of Jamal Abdel Nasser at a photo studio and end up chatting for over an hour over tea with the owner. He gives us the photos as a gift (I got a sweet one featuring a young Gaddafi) despite us refusing his dinner invitation. Staring is common here, and I must get used to being the object of all glares. We sing songs while walking the Nile. Check into the apartment in Maadi where I'll be staying. Word is: border still closed and the French delegation was denied access to their buses. Therefore, they camped outside their embassy and have no intentions of moving. Count on the French to strike right. Near fatal crossing accidents: two.

Day 2

Dear whoever cares to read this,

We attend our first orientation meeting and meet some of the other delegations. We walk over to the Qasr el nil bridge and hang messages to those in Gaza. The police quickly break up our peaceful demonstration and remove all letters from the bridge. First encounter with Abu Shanab, more on him soon. Later on, we are to go on the fallukas on the nile and drop 1,400 candles in commemoration but we are stopped. We hold a vigil on the nile surrounded by the Egyptian police. My voice is already leaving me because I spend all night yelling "El Horriya li Gaza" (Freedom for Gaza).

Day 3

Dear whoever cares to read this,

More meetings, sleep continues to lack but I don't care. By now, we are experts at crossing the street. We attempt to brainstorm a variety of methods we can get into Gaza. This is supposed to be the day we leave for Al-Arish, but the Egyptian government has denied anyone with a foreign passport permission to pass to Al-Arish whether with buses or via public transportation. We protest under the October 6th bridge.

We take our chants and spirit to the UN offices. We wave flags, banners and build mock embassies. Many people are attempting to get the support of their embassies which gives us all the same message: NO. Friend spots Dahlan near the Palestinian embassy. Attempts to hold back his anger. We show solidarity with our French brothers and sisters and visit the embassy where they are camped out, surrounded by the riot police. I manage to insult a "secret service" officer by asking him "who are you anyway?" Big trouble, little yuppie. We visit Heliopolis for a change.

Day 4

Dear whoever cares to read this,

Much to do today. After getting no help from the Canadian embassy, I head over to the Syndicats des journalistes for a protest there, followed by one at the same place protesting Netanyahu's visit with Mubarak. Codepink, one of the organizers of the march, are negotiating with Suzanne Mubarak who agrees to send two buses with 100 delegates instead of the 1,400 currently in Cairo and they can only be people who have never visited the region before. What is this a tourist destination? The French side of les Canadiens comes out and we talk to other groups about protesting at the buses the following morning. Many groups are on board, some however continue to forget the reasoning behind the march and would like to get on the buses. We find a really rad song while attempting to look for something else and it stays trapped in my head for the next few days.

Day 5

Dear whoever cares to read this,

I'm running on one hour of sleep and at the buses it's chaos. The decision makers apologized for their quick and faulty decision. Massive support against the buses departing ensues, but there are still many getting on board, mainly for personal reasons, some with none at all aside from the march, whatever their reasons may have been, people got on and off the buses. We chanted, attempted to remind them of the goal, some people got off the buses. When most of the crowd left, some people got back on the buses. A total 0f 60 people departed for Gaza and the bus picked up people in Al-Arish who were under house arrest or detained for attempting entry previously. A total of 84 people went to Gaza despite the Gaza Freedom March organizers in Gaza urging them not to. We visit the French embassy again and head to some meetings. Drinking lots of tea, koshary count: two. Furthermore, I have mastered arguing with cab drivers who try to rip me off.

Day 6

Dear whoever cares to read this,

This is the day we should've been marching in Gaza. We find out early that some of the delegation is trapped in their hotel, surrounded by police due to the staff being informants.

10AM: We walk up from the subway as we attempt to divert attention from ourselves since all week we have been followed. All of a sudden, a flash mob of 500 begin running on the street in Tahrir Square, Cairo's busiest place. The police go crazy and attempt to push us on the sidewalk by any means necessary. Many are kicked, punched, pulled by the hair, pushed. I was lightly elbowed in the mouth and police attempt to carry me out as I hung onto my friends. When I screamed in Arabic, they panicked and let go of me. Finally, we were in the confines of the gated sidewalk. The police had beat many of us, including a 12 year old Dutch-Palestinian girl. From 10am to 4pm, Tahrir Square was Gaza Square. We even create a mock washroom. We talk to those poor soldiers who have no idea what they are doing and are completely on our side, merely afraid of their government. Ideally, we would've spent NYE there, but we lost a lot of people who were not allowed to return if they left the sidewalk.

Instead, we celebrate NYE again in Tahrir lighting candles for Gaza. The Palestinian flag spread out on the pyramids photo makes the newspapers. Cabies seem to have moved on from El Hantour to this song.

Day 7

Dear whoever cares to read this,

Israeli embassy time. This one caught the authorities by surprise. There was no one, all of a sudden, there were hundreds. The embassy was close to the French one, so it was easy to gain the support of our French comrades. We took over the sidewalk and the bridge. I had the opportunity to chat with one of the soldiers who looked like they had been recruited from the near by casting agency they were so young (what is this Israel?). They asked us when we were going to stop our protests because it's been five days and they are getting tired. They were also scared to ask me questions because their superiors behind them were listening in on the conversation. I noticed that when they found out I was Arab, they showed me more respect despite it being the opposite for Arab males. Tonight, down time in Zamalek.

Day 8

Dear whoever cares to read this,

Walk like an Egyptian. Today is saved for the Pharaohs, the cruelest people the world has ever seen. By now we are all accustomed to the 1 out of 4 Egyptians being informants thing, so we are no longer paranoid. We are now the "celebrity" hooligans wreaking havoc in Cairo. We know this place. It has consumed us. We take the metro and meet up with our Scottish friends in Giza. Looking over the slums of Giza, this government represents the Pharaoh's of the 21st century. To enter the pyramids, Arabs pay 2EP and foreigners pay 60. I'm Arab with a foreign passport, but I'm Arab therefore I pay 2EP. Security asks me for Arab ID, which I don't have. I argue with him, probably yelling things like "I'm more Arab than you, this is retarded, etc etc." but I end up having to pay 60 anyway. I'm more eager to cause chaos at the pyramids now.

I ride my camel, nicknamed Baby Boo up to the third pyramid, pretend to take photos and be some lame tourist, then we start climbing. Police officer yells no climbing, we say we're crossing. Yelling continues. We get to the other side and get down. The photographer from the newspaper arrives, the officer turns around to talk to his informants, we grab the banner, run up the pyramids, take the photo, then begin getting chased. The cops take our bags and fetch inside. They take our banner, ask us for our cameras, call for back-up, accuse two people from our group of being Egyptians (they have American passports) and accuse them of being journalists. They are desperately seeking to find photos. What they did was a) prepare for the longest chase of their life, b) embarrass themselves in front of all tourists and c) attempt to arrest us for no reason. The police chased us from pyramid three all the way to the entrance. I have never seen a human being turn so red. Before I knew it, every officer in Giza surrounded us, including an archeologist who told me he had to fill a report about the incident, to which I responded, "and report back to who? Pharaoh himself?" He wasn't so pleased, naturally. Later on, we end up in a cab with a driver who asks us if we're Algerian. Then he goes on a rant about Algerians and what they started after the soccer match, followed by 30 minutes of a CD with songs consisting of the word Masr. A little too patriotic. He's crazy and we can't wait to get out because we're scared of mentioning anything rai. I'm 99% sure I'm getting deported.

Day 9

Dear whoever cares to read this,

No, we did not get deported. Instead, we are on the train to Alexandria. We took the wrong train so we had to stand the whole way. We also made the newspaper. The beach is wonderful, and I can actually see the sky, smog free. Whoever says Toronto is smoggy has never left Canada. It's a blessing compared to Cairo. We walk around, visit the library, explore the city and realize how Arabs do not know how to maintain monuments. We don't eat fish like we're supposed to because we over ate at lunch. Alexandria has a street car. We take photos of Arabs posing like Arabs and even have a mock photo session of our own. We eat ice cream, we act like Syrians, we act like Palestinians, we act like foreigners, we analyze responses. Upon our return to Cairo, I am stuck with an idiot cab driver who is taking me the wrong way (I know my way by now). I make him stop me on the side where an argument commences with the police. He urges me to get back into the car but I get another cab instead. Try to rip me off why don't you.

Day 10

Dear whoever cares to read this,

This is tourist day. We visit Khan El-Khalili and the mosques around it (the Fatimid dynasty fascinates me), and we also visit Salah El Din's citadel. I finally visit a woman I considered my grandmother in Canada who now lives in Cairo. I've known her since I was six and she's my favourite person in the whole world. I drink sugar cane juice, I eat koshary, we discuss politics. I'm so happy to see her and so sad to leave. I spend the last hours of my time drinking tea at The Australian Hostel. We've formed friendships with the staff. I bid farewell to my partner in crime and return to my hotel. My flight awaits, alongside a dose of reality and cold weather.

more to come.