Inquest of boys

See maman et papa have made me become so obsessed with criteria when finding the right mate that when a friend attempts to set me up with one of their friends, it turns into a giant fiasco of questions via this patient third party. My parents' criteria, according to them, is simple: same race and religion (preferrably hailing from the same village and avoiding a long list of villages they've laid out for me along with reasons why I should avoid said villages), a degree in one of four majors (masters is preferred), a good job that can provide (be a provider gurl), his parents must also have good jobs and a good reputation, he must be tall, good looking, polite, be prepared for a wedding fiasco (weddings are for parents, the more you learn to accept that, the more of your life you'll live), left wing, no health concerns, no more than five years my senior, a sense of humour fitting to mine (bless their hearts), open minded, speaks more than one language (with French being one of them but this one is not that big of a deal for them), and be prepared for interrogation questionning about anything and everything while surrounded by 75 of my closest male relatives (60 extra men that are friends of my parents will be considered "family" for this day).

Here's a conversation that took place between myself and a friend today regarding someone she'd think I'd be perfect with. Since I'm always the pessimist (even my boss tells me so), this convo was more complicated than it should've been:

N: So I just thought of one of my guy friends who'd be perfect for you. Fits all your criteria (race, religion), however, he's in Ottawa
Yuppie: What's his name? I probably know him.
N: Joe Average*
Yuppie: I just facebooked him, we have 11 mutual friends
N: Adddddd himmmmmmm!!!! He's super nice, gonna text him now, I was talking to him all day!
Yuppie: I don't add people I don't know.
N: Let me give him your number.
Yuppie: No. I'm terrible on the phone and no. I don't know him.
N: Then Facebook add him.
Yuppie: No!!!
N: Why not?
Yuppie: He doesn't even know what I look like and I don't know what he looks like! His profile pic was a side profile. Some people's profiles are better than their faces.
N: He's cute, I wouldn't send you an ugly.
Yuppie: We have different taste.
Yuppie: Is he educated? What does he do for a living?
N: Yes educated he does work but can't remember what company he works for
Yuppie: How old is he? What degree? How open minded is he? Where does he hang out? How do you know him?
N: No more questions. Message him.
Yuppie: No you can't expect me to talk to some random! He can message me!
N: Okay can I give him your number?
Yuppie: No! Let him facebook msg me or something. Send me a photo will you?
N: Okay he'll be adding you shortly. He's at the gym.

Hours later. During these hours, I get hit on agressively by the employee at the pizza shop who attempts to guess my ethnic background and provides me with the best service a dingy pizza place can provide. He guessed all the usual ones and didn't get one right.

N: Did he add you?
Yuppie: No add.
N: Ugh I am going to msg him and see what's up.
Yuppie: Stop being a pushy mother.
N: No no, I just told him to add you and invite me to the wedding.
Yuppie: Loser
N: He's at a BBQ
Yuppie: I can't see what he looks like you know.
N: Are you shallow and only care about looks? Bahahahahah he's good looking with a nice body, trust me girls stalk him.
Yuppie: Ahem, I wanted to see how Gino he was.
N: He isn't!
Yuppie: Where does he hang out?
N: I have no idea?
Yuppie: K did he go to u of o or carleton?
N: He went to college but I think he went to Uni after...
Yuppie: I see. I see. Does he wear white shoes? LOL
N: Well he did work at Aldo during school....
N: OMG you two keep on asking me about looks, LOL!
Yuppie: How did you describe me?
N: I didn't, I said he has to find out on his own.

*Name changed