PanArabism Hip-Hop record

I managed to get my hands on the hottest hip-hop record of '10. It has yet to hit the shelves. Leaders from across the Arab world, in a strange act of unity, got together and recorded an LP. Here are the lyrics off their first track "This is how we do it" (not to be mistaken for Montell Jordan's track). Now I can't post the actual track, but trust me, it's good. Just try and envision the beat correctly while reading these lyrics.*

KING ABDULLAH

Hey yo, I'm like 5'7" but I'm a King

Amman's the new Beirut, it's got a nice ring

Cha-ching.

It's the sound of money...

Rania is my honey, and she likes 'em chubby

My pictures are all over the country, oh you think that's funny?

We're all about the media, the social one that is

The other one's all blocked unless its pro King, ya dig?

We have a lack of water, but I swim in gold

The West Bank and Gaza? haha that's been sold!

I got a peace treaty with Israel,

and I like having security from the land of Ishmael

We're a place that benefits off your miseries, it's how our country booms

So if your country's in doom, come here we got room

My white Napoleon jackets are not a complex

This is Abdullah and you can call me your Highness!

SAAD HARIRI

Yalla, aiwa, wahad, two!

Those are the arab words I know

I used to live in France...

you know?

And I'm not talking about Beirut

Boots are Gucci, jacket Versace, shirt Chanel...

Que Beirut est belle!

I walk around Verdun like I own the place

Hide your baby mamas the ladies love my face

I take Arabic classes and even though I can't speak, The money can, freak

My eyebrows are so big it's a sign of power

Embarrassing Lebanon, hour after hour

Or so they say, but they all haters

Siding with Syria? You all traitors!

Abdullah don't you dare compare Amman to Beirut

The only think charming about it is your wife, she's damn cute

Massaging your mind with my smooth lyrics

And reviving civil war fears like a Phoenix

GADDAFI

I'm from a place where the flag is green

Some people think I look a like drag queen

SHOT.

My bodyguards are all women cause I trust them more

And if you call one a whore, your ass will be on the floor

Purple is my colour cause purple is regal

And if you cross the green book, the punishment is lethal

Deportation!

Across the nation, no consultation, just discrimination

I got land all over the place

Even in NYC you be seein' my face

Many figures who come to Libya disappear

Hey, how do you think I make a living, that's my career!

Everywhere I go my clothes be show stoppin'

Make room, Gaddafi is the Green Goblin.

MOHAMMED BIN RASHID AL MAKTOUM

Hariri, you just stole Jon B's line

And how can I be sure you won't steal mine?

I'm here to represent...the UAE

Y'all know who I be

We rich rich money money ain't got shit on me

Building useless buildings and islands too

Abu Dhabi thanks for the bailout, I owe you

Oops! we already did with the Burj Khalifa

But if i ever I need ya, ba tisil fika

Haha

My dishdasheh drags on the floor,

But I'm loaded I got millions more

7 star hotels? baby I own one!

Indian workers? Baby I got tons!

When it comes to citizenship it's only for locals

The visibility of our policies can only be seen with bifocals

Half the workers here have crummy wages

Giving a good face to the Middle East in the newspaperssss

Hey Jordan ana kaman on Twitta

So what's with ya?

My salary? Too many figaaaass

I sweat money but it won't go to my neighbours

You know why? Cause we're proud collaborators!

BASHAR AL-ASSAD

Shoo lakan? Leave room for the one from Damascus

Don't mistake me for Homsi!

Ana moo Homsi!

Elongating words like it's nobody's business

We're Syrians okay? Our dialect is like a fitness...

Regime, I pronounce it JEEM aiight Hosni?

Mashakel Masr, moo na2esni!

Al-Assad, that means lion

Syrians are the best cooks, we ain't lyin'

Minorities in power? Long live Alawis

Ana moo nawari, inta il badawi!

I like to parade my wife cause she's educated

Don't you find my behaviour is so sedated?

I got cute kids and I'm not afraid to show it

Bashar is on the scene just in case you didn't know it

Copped that line from Vanilla Ice

Step back, I own the mic, call me Syrian Spice...

MAHMOUD ABBAS

Hey hey hey Abu Mazen represent the PA

Dahlan by my side, what settlement did we sign on today?

Humiliating my people all the time

Can't accept a lost election, nor can I rhyme

WHAT?

One state, two state, what's my perception?

I don't know, they ask way too many questions

People mock me they think I'm Khalili

I'm from Safed, ana Galilee!

Hamas, they won democratically

And there's one thing to know about me, it's that I'm a collaborator G

I'm not a leader and I suck a lot

Big Pun RIP, first record I bought

Can't accept that the glory days are long gone

So pass the arak and let Hosni finish the song

HOSNI MUBARAK

Step back and watch an 83 year old master take the mic

Psyche! The US gives me money and drinks with spike

Got all the religious heads on the payroll

Tantawi, release the fatwa alright bro?

If you speak ill of me, find yourself in prison

Muahahaha, that's right I'm a bonafide villain!

I spend money on protection while my country rots

Don't climb the pyramids, you will get shot!

I run the Egyptian entertainment scene and I run your life

I'm so powerful I can steal Bashar's wife

I'm so evil I'll watch you die while eating a plate of koshary

Then I'll go out and have drinks with Adel Imam and Tamer Hosni

80 million all at my command

And they'll do whatever I demand

cause I'm Hosni, ma bikhoosni!

*Yes I obviously made this up, there's no record, fun isn't it?