Thursday, 4 February 2010

PanArabism Hip-Hop record

I managed to get my hands on the hottest hip-hop record of '10. It has yet to hit the shelves. Leaders from across the Arab world, in a strange act of unity, got together and recorded an LP. Here are the lyrics off their first track "This is how we do it" (not to be mistaken for Montell Jordan's track). Now I can't post the actual track, but trust me, it's good. Just try and envision the beat correctly while reading these lyrics.*

Hey yo, I'm like 5'7" but I'm a King
Amman's the new Beirut, it's got a nice ring
It's the sound of money...
Rania is my honey, and she likes 'em chubby
My pictures are all over the country, oh you think that's funny?
We're all about the media, the social one that is
The other one's all blocked unless its pro King, ya dig?
We have a lack of water, but I swim in gold
The West Bank and Gaza? haha that's been sold!
I got a peace treaty with Israel,
and I like having security from the land of Ishmael
We're a place that benefits off your miseries, it's how our country booms
So if your country's in doom, come here we got room
My white Napoleon jackets are not a complex
This is Abdullah and you can call me your Highness!

Yalla, aiwa, wahad, two!
Those are the arab words I know
I used to live in France...
you know?
And I'm not talking about Beirut
Boots are Gucci, jacket Versace, shirt Chanel...
Que Beirut est belle!
I walk around Verdun like I own the place
Hide your baby mamas the ladies love my face
I take Arabic classes and even though I can't speak, The money can, freak
My eyebrows are so big it's a sign of power
Embarrassing Lebanon, hour after hour
Or so they say, but they all haters
Siding with Syria? You all traitors!
Abdullah don't you dare compare Amman to Beirut
The only think charming about it is your wife, she's damn cute
Massaging your mind with my smooth lyrics
And reviving civil war fears like a Phoenix

I'm from a place where the flag is green
Some people think I look a like drag queen
My bodyguards are all women cause I trust them more
And if you call one a whore, your ass will be on the floor
Purple is my colour cause purple is regal
And if you cross the green book, the punishment is lethal
Across the nation, no consultation, just discrimination
I got land all over the place
Even in NYC you be seein' my face
Many figures who come to Libya disappear
Hey, how do you think I make a living, that's my career!
Everywhere I go my clothes be show stoppin'
Make room, Gaddafi is the Green Goblin.

Hariri, you just stole Jon B's line
And how can I be sure you won't steal mine?
I'm here to represent...the UAE
Y'all know who I be
We rich rich money money ain't got shit on me
Building useless buildings and islands too
Abu Dhabi thanks for the bailout, I owe you
Oops! we already did with the Burj Khalifa
But if i ever I need ya, ba tisil fika
My dishdasheh drags on the floor,
But I'm loaded I got millions more
7 star hotels? baby I own one!
Indian workers? Baby I got tons!
When it comes to citizenship it's only for locals
The visibility of our policies can only be seen with bifocals
Half the workers here have crummy wages
Giving a good face to the Middle East in the newspaperssss
Hey Jordan ana kaman on Twitta
So what's with ya?
My salary? Too many figaaaass
I sweat money but it won't go to my neighbours
You know why? Cause we're proud collaborators!

Shoo lakan? Leave room for the one from Damascus
Don't mistake me for Homsi!
Ana moo Homsi!
Elongating words like it's nobody's business
We're Syrians okay? Our dialect is like a fitness...
Regime, I pronounce it JEEM aiight Hosni?
Mashakel Masr, moo na2esni!
Al-Assad, that means lion
Syrians are the best cooks, we ain't lyin'
Minorities in power? Long live Alawis
Ana moo nawari, inta il badawi!
I like to parade my wife cause she's educated
Don't you find my behaviour is so sedated?
I got cute kids and I'm not afraid to show it
Bashar is on the scene just in case you didn't know it
Copped that line from Vanilla Ice
Step back, I own the mic, call me Syrian Spice...

Hey hey hey Abu Mazen represent the PA
Dahlan by my side, what settlement did we sign on today?
Humiliating my people all the time
Can't accept a lost election, nor can I rhyme
One state, two state, what's my perception?
I don't know, they ask way too many questions
People mock me they think I'm Khalili
I'm from Safed, ana Galilee!
Hamas, they won democratically
And there's one thing to know about me, it's that I'm a collaborator G
I'm not a leader and I suck a lot
Big Pun RIP, first record I bought
Can't accept that the glory days are long gone
So pass the arak and let Hosni finish the song

Step back and watch an 83 year old master take the mic
Psyche! The US gives me money and drinks with spike
Got all the religious heads on the payroll
Tantawi, release the fatwa alright bro?
If you speak ill of me, find yourself in prison
Muahahaha, that's right I'm a bonafide villain!
I spend money on protection while my country rots
Don't climb the pyramids, you will get shot!
I run the Egyptian entertainment scene and I run your life
I'm so powerful I can steal Bashar's wife
I'm so evil I'll watch you die while eating a plate of koshary
Then I'll go out and have drinks with Adel Imam and Tamer Hosni
80 million all at my command
And they'll do whatever I demand
cause I'm Hosni, ma bikhoosni!

*Yes I obviously made this up, there's no record, fun isn't it?


  1. This is hilarious! You should team up with that A-R-A-B Remy guy! :D

  2. Dude, this is the funniest thing I think I've ever seen online! Thanks for the laugh and a few tears, 'cus unfortunately, it's actually a little sad at the same time ;)

    Peace out...

  3. We shoulda gotten together on my last album I dropped in Cairo! Sweet lyrics... it's twisted. Peace!

  4. The twin fascisms that causes most massacres, wars, "conflicts" today

    The twin fascisms that causes most massacres, wars, "conflicts" today

    Arabism is racism (Arab racism)

    Millions upon Millions are/became victims of [pan-] Arabism which is the worst current form of racism in its gigantic proportions, like: Kurds Jews (not just in Israel) Berbers (the real natives of North Africa), Africans (not just in the genocide in the Sudan or in Egypt on native Nubians by Arab invaders – till today), Persians, etc.

    Islamism is bigotry (Islamofascism)!

    The Islamic supremacy that “works” towards its vision of “final Islamic domination on the entire planet”, from Middle east to Africa from Asia to Eurabia, from forced conversions, terrorism, & massacres in multiple countries (like: Thailand, Phillipines, China, Indonesia, Tunisia, Morocco, Kenya, Tanzania, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Lebanon India, USA, France, Israel, Russia, UK, etc.) to propaganda, the war includes on Muslims who are not radical enough...,

  5. of course the last one was an anonymous comment. if anything is racist, it's that website you linked to and this comment you just posted. ignorance.

  6. This is epic and you're a fucking legend for doing this. I'm down to produce the music videos, Narcy can produce the beats!