Tuesday, 4 May 2010

You smell of memory

As the streetcar broke down and I commenced my nine block home from the opposite direction of what I would walk had this happened one year ago on this day, I felt a certain familiarity with the breeze that brushed up on my face. The smell reminded me of May...or was it June? Maybe July, when I would bike passed the slaughter house and plug my nose. That scent, that weather, filled the air and consumed my senses.

There was a point when my sole focus was my career. I wanted to be the youngest something, who amounted to something, who got paid lots of money for doing something she liked. But then I realized, one doesn't really know what will happen in the next six months, or even the next day, so how can one plan a career? And why do we spend so much time focusing on it? Is it because we want to live a good life and care for our family and be stable whenever the going gets tough? Says who? Yes, you know what field you want to work in and such, although that may change, but does focusing solely on a career shun away everything around you? I'll say yes. It also gets tiring, the mundane routine and being surrounded by robots who rarely make an effort to say hello or include you in discussions that can actually make a difference in the way you work and prove yourself is exhausting. As I say, routine will kill you. And so will the details, the structure, the difference in opinion, the laziness, the deteriorating health, the way we are treated as if we are in maternelle even though we are adults. I can go on.

My my how time flies.

As you read this, I've already taken the necessary steps, the decisions many may call drastic, and prepared myself for the unknown. I foreshadowed growing tired of being here before, and that list kept growing, just like the enforcement of unnecessary rules - they bore me, and the growing number of pedants that surround me. And then the entire idea just seemed to piece itself together and so I took that as the sign. I've put my dreams away before, but then again, what are dreams? Eventually, you'll either live that dream and dislike it or have to put it away because something happens - probability, probability, probability.

Despite the difficulty behind leaving one of the greatest opportunities I've ever received, I had to do this. I've handed in my resignation at the ad agency where I work, subletted my condo, and I've booked my flight. That's right, I'm leaving Canada for the entire summer. Actually, I haven't booked a return ticket, because I hate being tied down by something as silly as that.

Am I going to miss Toronto? Well, nothing really changes in four months here, there is a lack of excitement. In the past year and a half, Toronto has taught me a lot, but mostly it has taught me how to be extremely social even in the most terribly unenlightening of occasions (baby girl can fill you in as she witnessed my skills first hand), and how to live independently.

There was a lot of reasons behind me taking the opportunity that presented itself, one being the fact that I have always been held back by some sort of commitment and now I am heading to none, I feel like a toddler released from a diaper. I'm intrigued by the people I'll meet on this trip, and mostly, I'm terribly excited about doing something I've wanted to do for a really really long time.

Many things await me on this journey, and I have no idea what will happen and that's the best part: the unknown. That word in itself provides an array of opportunities and adventures that I can't wait to experience. Am I romanticizing this trip? It's probable, but the unknown is romantic.

It's time for the yuppie to put away one half of her name, and play the other: the activist.

Stay tuned for my adventures, I'll post them here.


  1. When are you leaving? Can we please, please, please meet for coffee before you go? I am in the midst of a pretty similar priority struggle and would love to get your take, plus I'm going to miss you sooooo - let me know!

  2. The pursuit of a "dream" is much more valuable than the point when it turns into a reality, and not knowing exactly what you're after makes it a bigger, better challenge. All the best.

  3. I'm slowly coming to the same realizations. Best of luck and we gotta talk soon!

  4. Danah, best of luck on your journey. Im super happy for u! Inshallah this will bring more color to your life! woot! I'd love to pop by jordan in the next week if you're going to be there!

  5. Thanks! I'll be in Jordan (first destination) and other areas, sporadically throughout the summer!