Conversations of the week

Leaving the Holts Media cocktail:

"Next season, I'm going full out Arab at fashion week. What do you think people would say if I wore my revolutionary scarf like a chador?"

"Anything you do just looks cool, why is that?" she asks.

"It's because I'm Arab," I respond.

"That makes sense."

Moral: although no evidence proves this lately, Arabs do it better.

At whose house again?

"You boys want to put your pee pee everywhere, then when it comes to marriage, you want a girl who hasn't seen the light of day."

"Yes, one with low mileage," the tall one answers.

"But how do you count the mileage, like if she was with someone for two years or just with a lot of people?" he jumps in.

"Air Miles doesn't count how long you stay on your trip, they reward you with miles based on how many trips you take," I respond.

"Makes sense."

Moral: no matter what boys tell you, they still want low mileage.

At the store:

Coffee shop guy comes in and asks store owner,

"what are you doing?"

Store owner points at me and says,

"talking to my future wife!"

Coffee shop guy: "Keep dreaming."

Moral: Listen to coffee shop guy, he's got it right.

What Arty said:

I finally bought a pair of glasses, they're okay. Kind of look like a hipster asshole, I dunno, they're pretty standard and classic but like would actually wear them in public? I also got my sunglasses back. They're nice...I guess. They have like this real British look to them. Not so much the boppin' twiggy era London look to them, more like the teenager walking down a street in Newcastle look. They're pretty big...not sure how comfortable I am in them.

Moral: Arty is hilarious.