Monday, 12 October 2009


There are many reasons to feel unfortunately Arab. I mean check out the news and behaviour of some of the citizens, our leaders, etc. Sometimes, Arabs get mistaken for Persians (see below) and other times, we get branded as Ginos (or Guidos).

Exhibit A
Ginos are a staple of our culture (we're definitely close second to Italians). The selection of boys you can bring home to papa consist of guys that look like this (see below). Very unfortunate. This example is best presented by Karl Wolf.
Habibi, can you even speak Arabi? No. You know "yalla" and "habibi". You also said "yalla habibi" to Rime instead of "yalla habibti". Rime won't help you speak Arabic either, she's Moroccan, most Arabs don't understand her. Here are some free Arab lessons that will make you buy some Arabness using words I caught from your smooth lyrics:
Hey boo=hi ya darling (blend of Arabic and Western speak here)
Bonnie & Clyde=Raya we Skina
Flashing lights like Kanye=Amr Diab
Queen like Nefertiti=Get with the times, use Queen Rania
And if you really wanted me to believe you're Arab, you should've bought fake branded products from Syria, land of knock-offs, to make it more believable.

Exhibit B
Narcy got really angry with this song, especially its remix - see here, Busta has since apologized to him. Now off to the critique. First of all, the guy in the intro is totally Persian. Second, this song is terrible. Third, hey Dubai, thanks for like, um, giving us other reasons to be in the media other than terrorism, but seriously, acknowledge the fact that you don't represent the Middle-East. Fourth, if any of these guys went to the Middle-East, they would be arrested. Have you ever been criticized by a Middle-Eastern person? We demolish self esteem almost as well as a Jewish mother.
Embedding disabled, click here to view the video

Exhibit C
The Egyptian Yusuf Amir is totally Persian (proof lies in the guy who does the voice). The wiki about Yusuf claims he was born in Dubai although he says "we built the pyramids baby!" meaning he's Egyptian, or wait, according to the Wiki, "Arabian." Either way, the Emirati locals make up only 17% of the entire population, so it's not likely Yusuf's Emirati. And if you really wanted me to believe he was indeed Egyptian, could you of at least given him a name that is common in Egypt like Tamer, Hussein, Yosri, or Ahmad?
Conclusion: Arabs and Persians=not the same. We don't even speak the same language. How would you like it if I mistook you for a Mexican for example?

Off to the next topic, the orient in your home. Just like animals, this culture can be domesticated. Hummus has already made it in a big way. In the Western world, you can get a variety of hummus flavours, in the Middle-East, you will never be offered a barrage of choices, because in reality, there's only one hummus - don't be fooled by imitations. Couscous, argilah (sheesha, hookah, whatever), solidarity scarves, and classic beats sampled in hip-hop songs (Jay-Z, Foxy Brown's "duet" with Ragheb Alama) are all in Western homes and now you can add prescription product that makes your eyelashes actually grow longer to the mix. Latisse's product is FDA approved (which is really easy to get, sort of like the Nobel Peace Prize) and it's even endorsed by Brooke Shields! Okay, you're probably asking yourself, how is an eyelash growth product an Orient thing? The answer lies in our eyes. Example, my bottom eyelashes are longer than most people's top lashes. Mascara was inspired by people like us. Yes. True. Middle-Eastern people have crazy long, dark and full eyelashes, Western people created fake lashes to be like Middle-Eastern people and then developed a product to have it permanently.


  1. wait so this isn't Massari? wtf? I could only bear 1 minute of the video before my brain cell count ran dangerously low.

    PS. Edward Said would have been proud.

  2. thanks Omar! and unfortunately, nope, karl wolf is not massari, as much similarity as they have, it seems to be a serious case of homogeneity.