Thursday, 18 June 2009

One Time, édition Yuppie

Watch this video. Usher is really taking this connecting with the youth thing seriously. Or attempting to replicate a video by Aaron Carter, pre heroine addiction, whichever you like more. Scroll below to get an idea of what I was thinking when I watched this.

The video starts off with some horrible product placement of XBox. Terrible because of how the camera is manipulated and how unnecessary this shot is.

The friend, braces and all, has the greatest expressions throughout the entire video. Props brother, you're the next Michael Cera. Or employee of the month at Blockbuster, whichever.

Double product placement. You're 15 and have an iphone. When I was 15, I'd dream of owning the Nokia iron phone, but really, none of us needed a phone. We met up at school and made plans. Personally, I'd save Usher under "Usha" just so I show how tight we really are. And frankly, if I was Usher, I'd be scared if anyone under sixteen had my phone number, except if they were related to me and/or I was a model agent.

The biting of the lip. This girl got a thing for Justin. Or maybe she's excited about recently hitting puberty and dying to show her newly acquired assets to Usher.

Multi cultural hipsters. But, wait, if they are 15, why does the guy on the right have tattoos? I don't think his parents would've signed off on such a large and clearly hipster tattoo you get at like 19-20. Are these guys an allusion to Matthew McConaughey's character in Dazed & Confused?

She's here. Ready to celebrate Usher's birthday, which is what Justin told her was happening to she can bring the girls. "Justin, OMG! You look soooooo good. Where's Usher? And, why did you ask me to bring the entire sophmore class?"

White girl pose. This is my claim to fame. Pass me a bottle of beer, wait for the camera and I'll show you how the girls do it. I was told I do it better than the actual girls themselves. I dig that. The girl on the right is the more "artsy, emo one" hence the rings and bracelets and pouty lip dance moves.

"If you got braces on your teeth put your hands up. Underage ladies, I can't hear y'all, underage ladies, make noise!"

This is clearly a 26 year old who claims to be 15 by wearing a hoodie with stars on it from West 49 and Sony headphones around her neck. Furthermore, Justin is like 3 feet tall.

Wait, maybe the 26 year old was the DJ. Hmm, the music was pumping before she came in though so this is weird. Who was playing that remixed Funkmaster Flex jam then?
Let's discuss Justin's wardrobe: Usher's backing you up and your stylist dressed you up in an American Apparel hoodie? Because all we need is more thoughts about Dov Charney and teenagers.

"Yo, yo, yo what up homie? I'm just trying to mimic Usher and shit. Is this how we do this shake? Ya, ya? For real? "

So Dov Justin, is this how you treat your girl? Like "I'm hitting that tonight!"? According to MySpace you're 15, according to me, you're 13 and have no pubic hair yet. What do you know about love baby boy? I know men that are 25 that still have no idea how to "treat her right." On the other hand, your brod's expression can be converted into a piece from an Ellis novel. "You got a gram, I'll make it worth your while." See The Informers, chapter 10 for further details. She's totally from the Valley.

Usher is wondering if this is his house or he accidentally pulled up at R.Kelly's. Justin doesn't understand because he wasn't born when that incident happened, so he asks Usher if he found some honey to make love with in this house.

This girl is way too old for this jam. She's clearly one of Usher's entourage and ready to pop open a bottle of Alizé.

He'll get your fix if you tell him you love him too.

Uh uh uh, and it don't stop, uh uh uh.

"Let me take a photo, we can post it on Facebook, tag you, and then write "awwww. soo cute, you guys should totally be together" underneath it."

The black guy must always be in full view during dance offs. But seriously, this kid ain't got nothing on T-Pain.

The girl in the back is where it's at. Her hand gestures are telling you so. Bust it.

She remembers she's gotta be back in Encino by 9pm. And plus Justin's waiting for his dealer who ain't even here yet! He's trippin', because he's not hooking up tonight.

"She left. I should've given her the gram. Oh great, the dealer's here, on his bike, after she's gone."

Hot Atlanta y'all is one of the best.


  1. Omigod this is hilarious.


  3. Is Disney behind this?
    They manufacture too many garbage kid acts for me to keep up... Good post though! I think I lasted through 30 seconds of the video.. any more and I was forced to sow my eyes and ears closed...
    At least now I know what to answer when someone asks me "What would you kick non-stop in the ribs to save the youth of tomorrow?"
    Now I just have to wait for someone to ask me that question and follow through... You can thank me later.

  4. This was painful. Your comments made it better. Without the video, I would have thought it was sung by a girl.

  5. what the fuck? where've i been that i missed my damn chance at 15 nanoseconds?!?!