Thursday, 4 June 2009

Boyfriend Types

The Payphone Caller: He probably entered your life during university, when everyone had cell phones. The only reason he's using a payphone to call you is because a) he lost his cell, b) he can't afford to pay the bill or c) he lent it to a friend and will never get it back. You have to sit by the phone awaiting his call from random phone numbers you don't recognize and can't call back and when he's late in his promised 4:30pm phone call. The reason he's late? He couldn't find a quarter. You end up having to call his entire posse of friends to find him. Although it was fun while it lasted, your romantic dinners will consist of subway tuna sandwiches in his parents' basement and his friends will always be by your side no matter how intimate the moment. Your current relationship state: you talk when you see each other, but it's awkward, the "he still likes you" type of awkward.

The Drug Addict: He was your first "serious" boyfriend in high school. He was probably a few years older than you. He's not addicted to anything hardcore because you dated him while you were both teenagers but he still had a fetish for drugs and would try anything. Along with an affinity for drugs, he loved sugar and would mix peanut butter flavoured chocolate bars with carbonated drinks and cigarettes. Chances are, you have a restraining order on him, but he means well...really he does. One pro: he has no friends but you so it's not likely he'll ditch plans, but the con is, he might get too baked and skip the date. Current relationship state: you say hi, from a distance.

The Boring Physical Attraction: This boy is cute, but he never really counted (in boyfriend numbers). You either tried to hook up with him a) after one too many shots of Jack Daniels but being the nice guy that he is, he didn't take advantage of you, or b) you thought he was a "nice guy" which he is, but holy crap, he's boring. Most likely, you never listened or were interested in his stories but more interested in the content of his undies. The other good about him? It was an amicable break-up and you're still friends. Chances are, he's single, like always. No restraining order necessary. Might hook up from time to time.

The Smooth Operator: He's tall, handsome, intelligent as hell, and is basically everything you've ever wanted in a man. Except he's not the father type and will run off with your heart once it gets too serious. To his friends and family, he talks about you and makes it seem serious, to you, you're just a fling but you're already in too deep to listen. He's Veronica but you're looking for Betty. He counts in numbers because even Sade had one. The con: you're still friends. Awkward friends. The pro: He moves onto uglier girls than you.


  1. Danah! You totally woulda love my dating blog from back in the day. This made me nostalgic. Time to re-read my archives... XO

  2. Hmm I don't see myself in here...
    oh yeah! it's because you forgot to include:
    The McAwesome BoyToy:
    Pros: Totally awesome!
    Cons: Is too awesome for his own good...

  3. I'm just going to straight-up assume this is directly autobiographical.